On “Meeting” Andy Cohen and Fear of Missing Documentation (FOMD)

I just had an AHA! moment (thus the insane picture of my clique and I above, obviously) and it goes a little something like this… Last night, I went to my imaginary BFF Andy Cohen’s second book launch. To get you all up to speed with my infatuation with him, well, let’s just say that if given the chance to hide him in my basement for keeps, I’d do it — which is completely creepy and nightmarish but I’m all about real talk here.  So as you can very well imagine, the entire day leading up to our first EPIC encounter was spent obsessing over what I’d say to him, how I’d style my hair (beach waves or pin straight?), how I was going to pitch him his next Bravo pilot (currently entitled “The Chic Greek” but I’m totally open to your suggestions) and how I would FINALLY land a prize spot with the King of Reality TV on my Instagram feed. The latter being the most embarrassing admission ever in the history of the internet, clearly.

And as luck would have it, none of these things transpired at the actual event. The opportunity to walk right up to him armed with a barrage of burning questions and sordid confessions — such as my sick fascination with Ladies of London, how Teresa Giudice (and her lack of proper grammar) makes me MENTAL, how when I grow up I want to be Lisa Vanderpump (Giggy and her British accent are everything), and whether or not Anderson Cooper is a good kisser — never presented itself.

But what drove me to drink (three $19 cosmos precisely) was the superficial notion I was unable to photograph my encounter with Andy to share it with the rest of the world. The entire night, my FOMD (fear of missing documentation) soured the entire affair. 

WHICH IS UNEQUIVOCALLY WHACK AND FUCKED.

Fast forward to right now (a day later) and I realize this whole FOMD situation is getting out of hand for both myself and a myriad of those around me. It feels as though if we don’t photograph and share our moments on Facebook or Instagram — whether it be a chance encounter with Willie Nelson (#PassTheGrass) to one’s buttery pasta dish at Olive Garden (#foodporn) to the perfect froth on the morning’s cappuccino (#coffee)  it’s as though it never really happened. It’s like the whole experience was a mirage. A farce. And that’s a solid 9 on a scale from 1 to Amanda Bynes.

So thank you, Universe, for blockading me from meeting Andy last night. It was your infinitely cool way of saying, “Enjoy the moment, Maria. And put down your iPhone, for chrissakes. That’s Andy Cohen — in the living flesh! — standing in front of you right there. Enjoy this ephemeral evening.”

The takeaway here other than being present and in the moment? A little social media mystery is a very good thing.

12 Comments

  1. Cristina
    November 24, 2014 / 8:26 pm

    Bravo Maria. You are the best writer.

  2. November 25, 2014 / 8:28 am

    You’re totally right but the only thing I can do is keep on laughing at “And that’s a solid 9 on a scale from 1 to Amanda Bynes.” hehehehehe

  3. November 25, 2014 / 9:07 am

    I love this post!! You’re always keepin’ it real 🙂

    xo Elizabeth

  4. November 25, 2014 / 9:27 am

    So true!!!!
    I can always count on you to put things in perspective.
    You’re like my personal Greek Fortune Cookie…
    Love ya!
    Xoxo

  5. November 25, 2014 / 9:29 am

    And let it be known that the best days/nights in my memory vault are those that never got captured because I was way too busy having a fabulous time to even post/tweet/tag/filter 😉

  6. November 25, 2014 / 9:35 am

    Maria..
    I love your charm & your wit!! Great read & so apropo for today’s society:)

  7. November 25, 2014 / 9:55 am

    agreed!!! I just did an article about this too from a mom perspective because we forget to be present with our kids, and rather document their lives!
    xo,
    Dee T

  8. November 25, 2014 / 10:28 am

    What a hilarious post! I know exactly what you mean.

  9. November 25, 2014 / 10:28 am

    On point.

    I struggle with the same issue, more specifically when attending concerts. I’m so afraid I’ll eventually forget what songs were played, and how the lights shined and flickered that I spend a large portion of the event recording it. Part of the problem is how much I enjoy revisiting that footage long after the event has passed. That drives me to want to capture everything. I guess the trick is to find balance, like with most things in life.

    Great post. Xo

    Tati

  10. Mariella
    November 25, 2014 / 6:22 pm

    But, if you meet Amanda that shiz MUST not fall victim to FOMD. You kill me.

  11. Seba
    December 1, 2014 / 2:24 pm

    2 thumbs up

  12. December 18, 2014 / 2:18 am

    You’re hilarious! Love this post. Lots of truth here.

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