Treat Yo Self

I posted this picture on Instagram yesterday and a few of you freaks asked where you can score this fresh-to-death flamingo koozie (because it’s the illest shit around!) so the answer can be found here. Whomever said happiness can’t be bought for $8.25 (for a dozen, no less!) was crazy wrong. This image also happens to be my favorite photo from the summer thus far because it encompasses what my life has been all about as of late which entails:

1) When outdoors, I can be found in the pool/ocean because it’s hotter than the devil’s asscrack outside. My drink du jours are rosé or Modelo beer. A paradox, I know. But when swathed in the aforementioned flamingo floatie for dramatic effect, any beer looks chi chi chi fancy. I’m serious.

2) When indoors, you’ll spot me with the AC cranking at a frosty 69 degrees plopped in front of my computer (penning work assignments or procrastinating on a heavy rotation of Facebook/CNN/Twitter/TMZ/Shopbop/Net-A-Porter/Facebook/Etsy/Facebook (in that order more or less).

3) Entertaining my children with crafts (I suck major donkey balls at all-things DIY, FYI), card games (we’re having an Uno moment), cooking (I’ve mastered turkey balls) — all of which are energy consuming and lead to activity #4.

4) Copiously drinking. 

5) Complaining to my husband about the following grievances: To fix all the broken crap in our house, how my butt is NEVER going to look like a Victoria’s Secret model’s bum no matter how many squats I squat, and how my boobs are starting to droop like those mud-covered chicks in the National Geographic magazines. All these mindfucks invariably render me to activity #4, naturally.

6) Being happy (I realize I know sound psychotically bipolar seeing as #5 is “complaining”) because life’s been good to me. And during the summertime, the livin’ is easy.